is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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