i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
