My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
