you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
