You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
