I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
