i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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