I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
