My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
