I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
