Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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