Me too!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
