And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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