There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
