I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think i got beer on your cat.
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