the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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