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barbara walters just said penis...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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