Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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