Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
