If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.