That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The power of my boobs compel you