Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.