Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.