Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night