Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.