He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
