I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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