Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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