She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
