Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet