Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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