Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..