I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal