Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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