In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my being single is dangerous.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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