did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
