I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
