god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
