You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
