I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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