i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
