You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
