talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize