were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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