physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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