i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Someone signed my nipple.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
