She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
