Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
