I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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