is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
