So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
