I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize