oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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