Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
