Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
