Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
