I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
