I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize