Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
