Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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