He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
