i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
