i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize