How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
