her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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