you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
