you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
