Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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