My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
