I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
