I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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