Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did I show you my penis last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
